


You Can't Always Get What You Want, But Sometimes You Get What You Need

by rosybumblebee



Series: A Change Would Do You Good [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Chie being a bro, Fluff, Kaneki is sad, M/M, Shuu is confused, a little bit, implied nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 18:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11857488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosybumblebee/pseuds/rosybumblebee
Summary: Sometimes it's better to let things go.





	You Can't Always Get What You Want, But Sometimes You Get What You Need

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll quickly explain the scenario in this fic, which I imagined drunk at 3AM!  
> It takes place during the GOAT arc, but Kaneki has been in love with Shuu for years, but due to certain circumstances (i.e. “death”+Sasaki+killing his whole family) has never told him, also because he knew Shuu was in love with him, but he felt like he wasn’t worthy of him and didn’t want to make him suffer too much. Then, he marries Touka because he cares about her too and doesn’t want to hurt her and he’s clinging to whatever source of “love” he can get. One day, during a mission Tsukiyama rescues a ghoul who immediately becomes interested in him and things happen.

Being underground wasn’t something Tsukiyama would usually consider as “nice”. Though it was needed, it got pretty suffocating after a while. Claustrophobic, tight, uncomfortable, whichever word you might want to use. Having to move around only using dark tunnels, sleeping in tiny rooms, not to mention the risk of being killed at any given moment and running out of food. That, was a problem they’d have to face eventually.

That was why he had decided to go outside alone.

They couldn’t go to the surface often, and when they did, it was only for a short time and they always needed to stay hidden, to avoid any people, or worse, doves, accidentally spotting them.

Also, Kaneki’s rules were very firm. They mustn’t kill any humans. Tsukiyama still didn’t understand that. He had tried to ask Kaneki about it, but it had only escalated in a fight between them.

 

_\---_

 

_2 days before_

_“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Are you hoping to win a war with democracy and possibly a white flag too? Do you want us to hold hands all together and win with the power of love and friendship?” Tsukiyama exclaimed._

_“If we kill humans they’ll think we’re ruthless monsters. We must show them that we don’t mean any harm,” Kaneki said._

_“They already think we’re ruthless monsters. That’s why they’re sending pretty much the whole CCG here. To kill us all. Which will happen if we stay here to follow your rules and don’t move a finger, like we’re doing now. That is, if hunger doesn’t kill us first. We’re running out of food. If only you let me- “_

_“I said no. A rule is a rule, and you must obey it, no matter how much you want to fight back,” Kaneki huffed in annoyance. “You’re being awfully difficult these days. Are you having problems with being my second in command?”_

_“Not at all, my King. But as your second in command, you should know that I only want the best for you, and personally, I don’t think that not killing anyone is the best choice. Especially if our enemies are preparing their deadliest weapons just to come here and kill us all. We have to fight back, Kaneki.”_

_“We don’t. I’m the King, I make the rules.”_

_Tsukiyama stared at him dumbfounded, his eyes wide. “That’s just how a tyrant speaks, not a King.” Maybe daring to say something to make him angry would have its effect. “Look, I know you’re busy playing the happy family with your new wife, but we’re already dying here. If you don’t do something, I will.”_

_Kaneki turned around to stare at his, his expression quite hard to read. Though he definitely didn’t look happy. “You wouldn’t dare.”_

_“Watch me,” Tsukiyama muttered, before walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him._

 

\---

 

Tsukiyama crouched in a hidden alley, in the suburbs just outside of Tokyo. He had already got two ghouls, and he wasn’t going back until he had a third one. He wasn’t going to let the others, especially the children, starve. Though he would’ve definitely preferred humans, personal taste and general genetic problems wise, he didn’t want to fight with Kaneki again.

He sniffed the air, suddenly aware of the presence of someone else. A ghoul. He cursed himself for being too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice that someone had followed him.

He hid his bag behind a bin and slowly stood up, looking around him and checking for any suspicious shadows. Suddenly, he heard a noise and extracted his kagune, just in time to block an attack coming from his right.

He defended his upper body and quickly threw a kick at the other ghoul, sending him lying on his back. He was already celebrating his small victory in his head when the other got back on his feet and suddenly pierced the tip of his kagune into Tsukiyama’s calf, making him groan in pain and fall down to his knees.

He raised himself back up and attacked the ghoul again, this time sending his kagune right through his stomach and pinning him to the wall, before letting him fall to the ground.

“Who are you?” Tsukiyama growled, standing above him with his kagune pointed right at his throat.

“I’m hungry, what about you?” the other grunted, holding his bleeding stomach with a hand.

“Shut up, I’m not in the mood for jokes. I’m asking for a name,” Tsukiyama insisted, moving his kagune closer to the other.

“Okay, okay. I’m Katsuhira Yuuta, and who are you, pretty boy?” the other said, sending Tsukiyama a charming but pained smile.

 _Is he kidding me?_ Tsukiyama thought with a grimace.

“I’ll tell you my name later. What were you doing? You were too close to the King’s headquarters.”

“Wow, you work for the King? Must be quite a handful,” Yuuta chuckled, slowly propping himself up with his back against the wall with a grunt.

 “It’s none of your business. I asked, what were you doing?”

“I was just walking around and hoping to find some food. I wasn’t trying to spy or do anything like that, pretty boy,” Yuuta sighed.

“I hope not, and stop calling me pretty boy,” Tsukiyama groaned.

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t know the King’s soldiers were this pretty,” Yuuta grinned.

 

\---

 

“Tell me again why I should join the King’s army?” Yuuta asked, walking in the tunnels alongside Tsukiyama.

“Because we need new hands, and you look pretty strong. Though the King will be the one to decide if you’ll stay with us or not,” Tsukiyama said. 

 

They reached the basement and walked inside, making their way to the main room in which Tsukiyama had asked Kaneki to meet. He opened the door and walked to the center of the room, where Kaneki was already waiting for him. 

“Tsukiyama-san. I see you went out hunting. Alone and without permission,” Kaneki raised an eyebrow, eyeing the duffle bag in which Tsukiyama had put the meat.

 “Yeah, but we can argue about that later. I found someone who I thought could be a new member. He’s strong, and he fights pretty well,” Tsukiyama said, before turning around and calling for Yuuta.

The other walked into the room and bowed his head awkwardly, licking his lips. “Hey, your… your Majesty. I-ah… I’d like to… join your group, I guess?” Yuuta stuttered, placing his hands in his back pockets.

“Why do you want to?” Kaneki asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because I believe in your cause. I’d heard about your group but I wasn’t really interested or familiar with it. But then on the way here Tsukiyama-san explained what you’re doing for your friends, for us ghouls, and it made me want to fight for our rights too. It’d be an honor for me,” Yuuta smiled.

“…I guess you can stay. I trust Tsukiyama-san’s judgement after all, and I know he wouldn’t have brought here someone who could be dangerous to us. He’ll show you to your room,” Kaneki said. “And Tsukiyama? After you’re done with him, come back here. I need to speak with you.”

“Yes, my King,” Tsukiyama nodded. He and Yuuta exited the main room and he led him to where the bedrooms were, bringing him in front of an empty one.

“This will be your room. We have other spare ones and you can take any room you want, but they’re all pretty much the same,” he shrugged.

“Hm… any chance I can have the room closest to yours?” Yuuta asked, a tiny smirk on his face.

 Tsukiyama’s cheeks immediately went red and he stuttered, at a loss of words. “A-Ah, uhm… what?” he mumbled. “I-I don’t… I don’t think…" 

“Oh my god, I was kidding! You're super red now,” Yuuta chuckled, shaking his head. “This room is fine. Later do I have to come back out to meet someone else or…?”

“No, it’s fine. You can… take a shower, or do whatever you want. Be in the main room at 10 in the morning tomorrow, we’re holding a meeting to organize the next mission. If you need anything, just look for me,” Tsukiyama said.

“Perfect. I’ll go take a shower then. See you tomorrow, pretty boy,” Yuuta winked, before disappearing in his room.

Tsukiyama stared in shock at the door in front of him, still trying to process what had happened. Had Yuuta just flirted with him? Or was he just joking? He had known him for what, two hours?

He sighed and shook his head, starting to head for the main room again.

 

\---

 

“You said you wanted to speak to me,” Tsukiyama said as he opened the door and walked up to Kaneki. 

“Yeah, I did. First, keep an eye on that guy you brought here. I trust you, but you never know,” Kaneki said. “And second, you went out to get food on your own, without warning anyone, without warning _me._ What if you had run in an investigator and got hurt, or worse?”

“I wouldn’t have, I’m strong enough to fight them off. I went out because the other day the kids were asking me why there wasn’t any food, and if they were going to die. It broke my heart, hearing them say that. You know I can’t resist children. But everything’s fine, and I didn’t kill any humans,” Tsukiyama explained. 

Kaneki stared at him and sighed, dropping his head. “Okay. Just… warn me when you go out again. I don’t want you in danger. 

“I promise I will. I can’t risk getting hurt and not being able to help my King, can I?” Tsukiyama asked, gently raising Kaneki’s chin with two fingers and looking him in the eyes.

“No, you can’t,” Kaneki shook his head, staring up at Tsukiyama. “Because if you die, I’ll get a Ouija board and try to bring you back,” he muttered, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“Don’t worry, Kaneki, if I die I’ll make sure to haunt you. I’ll be a friendly ghost, I’ll clean the house for you and help you make dinner,” Tsukiyama laughed, letting his hand fall to his side, much to Kaneki’s displeasure.

“How helpful,” Kaneki chuckled, taking a step back. “I’m serious though. Just… please, be careful.”

 “I know,” Tsukiyama nodded, his eyes quickly flickering to Kaneki’s lips, then back to his eyes.

_If only I could kiss him right now…_

“Kaneki?” came Touka’s voice from the doorway. “Could you come for a moment?”

“Ah, yeah, sure,” Kaneki nodded, walking up to her and greeting her with a kiss on her cheek. 

Tsukiyama instantly felt a sharp pain in his chest and turned around with a sigh, starting to walk away from the room.

  _Thank god there are two doors, so I don’t have to walk past them._

In his room, he took a quick shower and put on sweatpants and a t-shirt, before flopping down on the bed and grabbing his earphones, putting them on, plugging them into his phone and starting the music as he lay down to relax.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want Kaneki to be happy. Oh, he deserved the whole world, anything that could make him feel good. But… he couldn’t help but feel something, deep down, something that was slowly eating him away.

Also, he knew something was missing. Why had he told Kaneki everything was fine and that it was water under the bridge when it definitely wasn’t? He didn’t blame Kaneki anymore, but… still, it would’ve been nice to at least talk about it. Just to sort things out between them.

And maybe he could’ve had the opportunity to finally tell Kaneki how he truly felt, before it was too late. The moment he had found out that he and Kirishima were together was something he would remember for his whole life. Also, because it was the same moment in which Nishiki had told him they were possibly expecting a baby.

It was still incredible to Tsukiyama. It had happened all so fast… Kaneki had never even shown any romantic interest in Kirishima before, so it was more than a shock to hear that so suddenly the love of his life had fallen in love with someone else. It hurt even more when he knew he could have avoided it all if only he had been less of a coward, if only he had told him, if only… 

No, nothing would have happened. Kaneki wasn’t in love with him, and had never been.

Chie had told him to get over him countless times, to try and get with someone else, but he couldn’t find that someone else so easily… could he?

 

\---

 

Kaneki sighed, closing the door of his bedroom behind himself. He threw himself on the bed and ran a hand down his face, staring up at the ceiling.

What was he doing with his life? He was leading a revolution he didn’t care about, married to a woman he didn’t love. Well, he did love her, just… not in the way she deserved and wanted.

 He had been so selfish and selfless at the same time. He married her to make her happy, to give her something that might have resembled a normal life, but he had married her also because he needed someone close to him, someone who could love him unconditionally.

Unfortunately, that someone was not Touka.

But Tsukiyama was something Kaneki could never get. Kaneki had hurt him too much in the past. One might say that it was karma, since Tsukiyama had tried to kill and eat him, but Kaneki didn’t like to think of it like that.

He had left him alone after Tsukiyama had begged him, in tears and sobs, not to go, and after seeing him again after three years, he had killed his entire family and disappeared for six months, before reappearing again to ask him to be a part of a revolutionary group.

What a story theirs had been.

A story that was apparently not destined to have a happy ending. Kaneki had been too much of a coward to tell Tsukiyama how he truly felt, also due to difficult circumstances.

Everyone that hung around too close to him was meant to die sooner or later. He was poison, and he didn’t want to taint the person most dear to him. 

Kaneki sighed to himself and turned off the lights, pulling the blanket up to his shoulders and curling up on himself, waiting for sleep to take him.

 

\---

 

The next month went by peacefully, and Tsukiyama had been instructed with keeping an eye on Yuuta and teaching him how to fight properly, and better.

Tsukiyama was currently attacking Yuuta, throwing kicks and taking swings at him with his kagune before being abruptly swept off his feet, letting out a yelp and bracing himself for the impact before feeling a strong hand on the back of his head, supporting him. 

He looked up at Yuuta, who was staring at him with a small smirk on his face. “Gotcha,” he chuckled, pulling Tsukiyama back up to his feet by yanking on his arm, resulting in Tsukiyama ending up almost chest to chest with him. 

“Ah… thanks for not letting my head get destroyed,” Shuu laughed awkwardly, looking away.

“I would never let anything hurt your pretty face,” Yuuta winked, and Tsukiyama couldn’t help but blush fiercely.

During the previous days Tsukiyama had noticed Yuuta had been incredibly flirty, but he hadn’t paid much attention to it. He had just thought that the other ghoul was simply very extroverted and open to socializing.

 “Say, Tsukiyama-san,” Yuuta said, taking a step back. “I know we can’t really get out of here and go take a walk around the city center, so… would you like to have coffee with me in my room tomorrow? You could pretend I’m inviting you to a café,” he chuckled, though he was blushing too. That had never happened before.

“Oh… really?” Tsukiyama asked, tilting his head. “That’d be… nice. Sure.”

“Great. Meet me in my bedroom at five.”

“O-Okay. We’re finished for today, so I guess I’ll… see you tomorrow,” Shuu mumbled, and Yuuta nodded. “See you tomorrow, pretty boy,” he grinned, leaning in and pressing a brief kiss to Tsukiyama’s cheek before turning away. 

Shuu stood there in shock, feeling his heart racing anxiously in his chest. “Uh… Yuuta?” he called, and the other turned around. “You can… drop the honorific and just… call me Tsukiyama,” he said tentatively, and Yuuta smiled widely, showing him his thumbs up and walking away. 

Tsukiyama remained there for a few more moments, staring dumbly at the door in front of him, before running to the other end of the room where he had left some of his stuff and grabbing his phone, quickly dialing Chie’s number and waiting for her to answer, walking anxiously back and forth around the room.

 “What, bitch?” came her voice from the other end of the phone.

“Come over. This is important,” Tsukiyama said quickly.

“Is it a matter of life or death?” Chie said, a tone of boredom to her voice.

“Yes,” Shuu nodded, before abruptly ending the phone call, hanging up in her face.

 

\---

 

“You called me over because you can’t decide between two guys?” Chie raised an eyebrow from where she was laying on the floor of Tsukiyama’s bedroom.

“Wow. I see you didn’t get anything,” he sighed. “It’s not like I can’t decide between them, I literally don’t understand what Yuuta’s trying to do! Ever since I brought him here he’s been flirting with me, touching my arms, shoulders or hands whenever he could…”

“He’s trying to get in your pants, idiot. And I say it’s time you let someone in, or you’re gonna die a virgin.”

“I’m not-I… I don’t… it’s none of your business, shut up!” Tsukiyama squeaked out, his face scrunching up in anger and embarrassment as he brought his legs closer to his chest. He wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. “And you’re gonna die a virgin too!”

“So, what? I don’t care about that stuff. But you do, and you’re getting cranky. Well, crankier than usual. You need to get laid,” Chie rolled her eyes. “And most importantly, you need to let Kaneki go. And-no, let me finish,” she raised a finger, stopping Tsukiyama from speaking up since he had already opened his mouth to protest.

“You need to let Kaneki go. Seriously, he’s married now. You can’t change it. If you keep following him wherever he goes and being his little guard dog, this will eventually destroy you. _He_ will destroy you. And not in the way you hope he would,” Chie said. “I think you should give Yuuta a shot. I mean, he likes you a lot, and who cares if it won’t evolve in a serious relationship and it’s just a brief flirt? In the end, you’ll get your mind off Kaneki a bit,” she shrugged.

Tsukiyama stared at her, feeling his eyes watering up. “…you think I don’t know that? I’ve been feeling like shit for months, Chie. And it only got worse when Kaneki… _married_ her. I don’t… I want to let him go, but it’s so hard. I hate it, I hate it so much,” he murmured with his voice broken, sniffling quietly and resting his forehead on his knees, hiding his face.

“I know it’s hard. I mean, I don’t know because I’ve never experienced it, but I guess this must be hard. But I’m sure it’ll be better. Tomorrow, try to get to know Yuuta and see if he can be nice enough for you,” Chie encouraged.

“…mhm. I’ll try,” Tsukiyama mumbled, lifting his head back up and wiping at his red, glossy eyes, sniffling again.

“Try to think about all the times Kaneki let you down or made you angry. Maybe that’ll help you and it can be the first step to hating him,” Chie shrugged.

“Well… the first time it was definitely years ago, when I tried to stop him from dying and he went anyway. It makes me mad just thinking about it. Who knows what would’ve happened if he didn’t go… maybe I would’ve invited him to another date and this time I would’ve made it right. I would’ve invited him on a vacation in Paris… in Paris,” Tsukiyama whimpered, hiding his face back in his arms and letting out a little sob. 

“Keep going, don’t get distracted, you’re supposed to get mad at him,” Chie pushed.

“Okay, okay, uhm… well, he did take part in the operation that killed my whole family. He didn’t have his memories, but still… I didn’t really like it. Also, the fact that he pretty much killed Karren and threw me off a rooftop. God… I know he tried to save me and all, but… I was traumatized and Karren was dead. I wanted to hate him so much after that…”

“Yeah, that’s good, keep going,” Chie nodded.

 “And then… six months passed and he didn’t even try to contact me or anything, maybe just to know if I was alive, you know? Then he suddenly comes back and is like ‘hey, wanna be part of my rebellious organization?’ and of course I do, but why did I tell him it was water under the bridge? It wasn’t! I was still mad at him! I should’ve talked with him when I had the chance, but if I do it now I’ll just burst out in tears. Then he goes off and marries Kirishima! He had never even shown slight interest in her, why did this happen so suddenly? Christ…

 …I feel bad though. I mean, the first time he ran off to save Anteiku, so he had good reasons. Then he didn’t remember me, so I can’t blame him for wanting to kill me, he was a dove. He threw me off the rooftop because he wanted to save me… and maybe he realized he was in love with Kirishima suddenly and wanted to be with her before it was too late… I can’t blame him for falling in love…”

“…holy shit,” Chie whispered, staring at him with a blank expression. “I asked you to get mad at him and you only excused him for all the stuff he’s done to you. Jeez…”

“See? I told you, I will never get over him,” Tsukiyama sobbed, letting himself fall down on the bed and burying his face in his pillow.

“Give it time, I’m sure you eventually will. And _please,_ give Yuuta a chance. He’s tall, taller than you, muscular, and has nice hair. Just your type,” Chie shrugged. “I’m gonna go now, I’m getting sleepy. Tell me how the date went tomorrow, and if he beds you, tell me the details. See ya.”

“He won’t, I will not give it away on the first date! And we never said it was a date!” Tsukiyama called after Chie, but she already had disappeared.

 He sighed and curled up under the covers, and after an hour of tossing, turning and overthinking, he finally fell asleep.

 

\---

 

The next day, just ten minutes before the supposed “date”, Tsukiyama was still shirtless in front of the mirror, staring at the two shirts in his hands. One was dark blue with a pocket on the chest patterned with pink, light green and white flowers, and the other one was white with two black cat heads embroidered on the corners of the collar.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door and Tsukiyama went to open, finding Yuuta standing in front of him.

“Woah… hi there,” he chuckled, and Tsukiyama glanced briefly at his naked chest. “I, uhm… désolé. I was choosing which shirt to wear. I’ll be quick, but come in.”

“Don’t worry, you can take all the time you want,” Yuuta winked, stepping inside before handing Tsukiyama a tiny bouquet of colored flowers, which he had hidden behind his back.

“I… I snuck out to get you these. I know you like flowers and you don’t see many of these underground.”

“Y-You did this for me? Oh… thank you so much,” Shuu grinned sheepishly, taking a deep breath of the flower’s sweet scent. “I’ll go put them in vase. I wouldn’t want them to die,” he said, going to grab a spare vase he kept in a little cupboard and filling it with water, before putting the flowers in and placing them on his nightstand.

“Now. Which shirt should I wear?” he asked, grabbing the two shirts in question and holding them up in front of himself, tilting his head.

“Hm… I like the one with the kitties. They’re almost as cute as you,” Yuuta smiled, and Tsukiyama swore he felt his heart stutter for a brief moment in his chest. “A-Ah… merci…” he smiled softly, putting down the blue shirt and unbuttoning the chosen one, slipping it on.

 “Okay, I’m ready to go now,” Tsukiyama nodded, grabbing his phone and putting it in his back pocket. “Lead the way.”

 

\---

 

They walked to Yuuta’s bedroom and once they were inside Tsukiyama gasped, widening his eyes. Yuuta had put a table in the center of the room, complete with a little tablecloth and a plant in the center, two empty cups at each side of the table. “Thought it would be nice to make it look like a café… somehow,” Yuuta chuckled, pulling out a chair for Tsukiyama. “You did a great job,” the other giggled, sitting down. 

“No need to thank me,” Yuuta winked, moving to the little kitchenette and starting to make coffee. “So, tell me a little about yourself. What do you like to do when you’re free?”

“Hm… well, I love to read, play the piano, sometimes I sing… I also like playing football and I’m good at martial arts. And I love studying languages, psychology and literature,” Tsukiyama smiled, crossing his legs.

“Really? Did you go to university?” Yuuta asked, and upon seeing Tsukiyama nod, he added, “What did you major in?”

“Social Welfare at Seinan Gakuin.”

“Wow, we got a big shot here,” Yuuta laughed. “I also wanted to ask you, why do you sometimes say words in French and other languages? I’m just curious… and it’s cute.”

“Oh… it’s mostly French because it’s my second language, but I use other languages too because… I don’t know, I like it. Apart from Japanese and French, I speak English, Italian, Spanish and German,” Tsukiyama said, blushing softly.

“Damn… that’s quite a lot. I only speak Japanese and English. I studied French, but then I dropped it after high school,” Yuuta said, finishing the coffee and grabbing the two cups, filling them up before bringing them back and going to sit at the table.

“If you wanted to, I could help you pick it up,” Tsukiyama proposed, leaning forward in his seat and resting his chin on his hand, batting his eyelashes. 

_Maybe I should follow Chie’s advice… I should flirt a little bit more. He seems to be up for it. It can’t hurt, can it?_

Tsukiyama’s little advance had apparently worked, because Yuuta swallowed thickly, before leaning forward as well as he let a smirk stretch his lips. “I would love to. But I think I might get too distracted by the teacher.”

“I’ll make sure you’ll pay attention,” Tsukiyama giggled, taking a sip of his coffee. “Now it’s your turn.”

“Alright, hm… I like sports too, but I’m not really good at martial arts. I can fight, but I learned it on the street. I have a degree in Economics, I love fantasy and superhero movies and I like to read too.”

“Favorite author or genre?” Tsukiyama asked

_He likes books!! He just gained fifteen points. If he likes Lord of The Rings it’s ten points more._

“Horror and fantasy, and also psychological. I like Murakami, and I have a weakness for Tolkien,” Yuuta smiled. 

_Bingo!!_

 

\---

 

After they had finished their coffees they moved to sit on the floor, Yuuta with his back against the bed and Tsukiyama sitting cross legged in front of him.

“How did you come in contact with Kaneki? Did he find you like you did with me?” Yuuta asked.

“No, we’ve known each other for almost six years. When I first met him I… really liked him, and I tried to eat him. Twice,” Tsukiyama admitted with a small, nervous laugh. “Then a lot of things happened and we started working together to find the doctor that had turned him into a ghoul, because he’s an artificial half ghoul if you didn’t know, and we became a little closer.”

“And then? Only if you feel comfortable with sharing, y’know.” 

“Oui, it’s fine. Then… the CCG attacked the café our friends worked in and he wanted to save them, but it ended awfully. We believed he was dead for three years. Then I found out he was alive, but without his memory. Meanwhile, my family was found out by the CCG and attacked by them, and during the mission Kaneki regained his memory but we parted on… rather shaky terms. Fast forward a few months, and he asks me to take part in his revolution. And here we are.”

“Wow… a lot happened between you two,” Yuuta chuckled softly. “If you don’t mind me asking, if he took part in the operation against your family, why did you stay with him? I mean, I wouldn’t have done that.”

Tsukiyama blinked and then looked down at the floor, letting out a sigh. “It’s… complicated. Sorry.”

“No worries,” Yuuta shrugged. “He seems like a nice guy though. And that Touka girl… are they together?”

“Yeah,” Tsukiyama murmured. “Yeah, they are.”

 

\---

 

“Thank you for tonight, I had a lot of fun,” Tsukiyama smiled, standing in front of Yuuta, near the door.

 “Me too. We should do that again sometimes,” Yuuta grinned.

 _Would he get mad if I kissed him now? Maybe just a little peck... no, I’ll wait. I don’t wanna rush things,_ he thought.

“Oui,” Tsukiyama nodded. He glanced quickly at Yuuta’s lips and then back at his eyes, feeling his heart beating wildly in his chest.

_Get over Kaneki. Get the fuck over him. He doesn’t deserve you. He’s taken now. Take some goddamn risks Shuu, do it, do it!!!_

He swallowed and leaned in, pressing his lips to Yuuta’s in a soft kiss, placing a hand on his shoulder to balance himself, since he had just realized he had to raise himself on his toes a little.

_Fuck, I almost missed his lips… I didn’t realize he was so tall!! …nice._

Yuuta widened his eyes in shock, his whole face flushing a deep red. _Tsukiyama was kissing him. He was kissing him!_

He didn’t even have time to start kissing back – _and maybe put his hands on Shuu’s waist_ – that the other had already pulled away, his eyes shy and downcast.

“S-See you tomorrow then,” he muttered, before starting to walk back to his room.

“…see you tomorrow,” Yuuta whispered to himself, a love-struck smile on his lips.

 

\---

 

The following day, Tsukiyama couldn’t stay still, and at the same time, he was dying for some rest. He had only slept a couple of hours that night, which he had spent tormenting himself on whether trying to get in a relationship with Yuuta would be a good idea.

There were… actually, there were no downsides. He was nice, hot, muscular, loved books… what else could he ask for?

But could he let go of Kaneki that easily? After all, he had been in love with him for what, five years? And he had only known Yuuta for two weeks. It was hard to let go of someone that important for a guy you’ve known for such a short time.

But he had to realize Kaneki was taken now. He didn’t have opportunities anymore. Kaneki was married, and he had to accept that and forget him. And what better way to forget him than to get it on with another hot guy?

Walking through the hallways, he was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t realize he had bumped into someone, that someone being Kaneki.

“K-Kaneki-kun! Hi, sorry,” he laughed nervously, taking a step back.

_Can he sense I kissed someone yesterday? Does he know? Why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel like I cheated on him? Oh my god why would he care, we’re not together, stop thinking about him!_

 “Oh, Tsukiyama-san. Hi,” Kaneki smiled. “I was just looking for you. I wanted to inform you that tomorrow around ten in the morning we’ll have another meeting. I thought that we had to organize a mission in order to get more information about the Oggai and Furuta’s roundabouts.”

 “Yeah, sure. I wouldn’t miss it,” Tsukiyama nodded.

“Perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Kaneki said, before walking away.

Tsukiyama sighed and started walking toward him room, a thoughtful look on his face.

 

_What should I do?_

 

\---

 

“Psst.”

 Yuuta turned around to try and see what was that sound, but was met with the sight of the empty main room. He shrugged and went back to watching the TV, until he heard that sound again.

“Psst. You." 

He turned his head again and looked around more carefully, this time seeing a tiny figure hidden underneath the table.

“Uh… who are you?”

 “Come here. I need to talk with you.”

Yuuta raised a skeptical eyebrow but turned off the TV and walked to the table, and the hidden figure came out, revealing a tiny woman who could have easily been mistaken for a schoolgirl.

 

“Again. Who are you?” he asked.

“I’m Chie Hori. I’m Tsukiyama’s friend. I came here to talk to you about him,” she said. “Let’s go to the kitchen. Someone might hear us here.” 

Yuuta shrugged and followed the little girl, closing the door behind them when they were in the kitchen. “What did you want to talk about? Something’s up with Tsukiyama?”

“What are your intentions with him?” she asked abruptly, jumping up and sitting on the counter.

“I… I don’t… what are you, his mother?” Yuuta stuttered, crossing his arms. “I’m interested in him, that’s all.”

“Hm… to what extent?”

“What? I don’t know, I’m… I have a crush on him, but that’s all.”

“…you see, I’m not really supposed to tell you this, but I figured you should know anyway,” Chie started.

“I don’t know if Tsukiyama has told you, probably not, but he’s been in love with Kaneki for five years now. Like… a very serious thing.”

“…I was pretty suspicious. Yesterday we met for coffee and I asked him how he came in contact with Kaneki. He told me everything, how he wanted to eat him but then came to genuinely like him, how Kaneki almost died and lost his memories, how he took part in the extermination of his family…

He talked about him like… like he was his savior, or something,” Yuuta sighed.

 

“He kinda is. Tsukiyama has always been a grade A asshole, but ever since he met Kaneki, he changed completely. For the better. I mean, the photos I took of him were more interesting before, but he’s a better person now thanks to him. As you know though, Kaneki got recently married. I don’t know why, Tsukiyama hadn’t even told me he loved someone else, but whatever.

What I’m trying to say is that I want him to get over him. When we thought Kaneki had died, Tsukiyama felt like shit, and he spent three years in hell. He’s too dependent on him, and after he got married, he spent the following four days locked up in his room, probably crying and listening to Adele.

Still, I talked to him, and he seems to be willing to move on from him. Slowly, but he will. So, it’ll be a little difficult, but you’ll be the one to make him forget Kaneki.”

“…I’d like to, but he seems so in love. Are you sure he can forget him so easily for me?” Yuuta asked, fidgeting with his hands. 

“He will, in a few weeks. He just needs a little push, but he’s getting there. It’s just… I wouldn’t wanna see him destroy himself over someone who doesn’t feel the same, y’know. And I wanted to be sure you had good intentions and didn’t only want to get a one night stand, because he isn’t the type.”

 “Oh no, I wouldn’t. It’s just a crush now but… I wouldn’t be surprised if it evolved into something more serious,” Yuuta smiled sheepishly, a blush creeping on his cheeks as he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the floor. 

“Perfect. Treat him well. Now get closer, I’ll give you some tricks to sweep him right off his feet.”

 

\---

 

The next day, everyone had met in the common room for the meeting, since new strategies were to be discussed. They needed to find more information about the Oggai if they wanted to defeat them.

While Kaneki was talking, Yuuta walked up next to Tsukiyama and sneaked an arm loosely around his waist, pulling him a little closer while the other whipped his head around to stare at him.

“W-What are you doing?” he almost hissed.

“You don’t like it?” Yuuta asked, already starting to remove his arm. Maybe he had gone too far?

“…no, it’s fine,” Tsukiyama murmured, taking Yuuta’s hand and pulling on it so the other’s arm could return to its previous place, along with a smug, victorious smile on Yuuta’s face.

 

_“He likes physical contact. Not too much, of course. But he likes cheesy stuff like holding hands, kisses on his cheek… y’know, general PDA,” Chie shrugged._

_“I’ll keep it in mind. What else?” asked Yuuta._

_“Compliments. He can act tough all he wants, but if you tell him his eyes look pretty he absolutely melts. He can’t handle being hit on.”_

_“Roger that.”_

 

“You look stunning today,” Yuuta murmured in Tsukiyama’s ear, and the other almost squeaked out loud. “I-I… what?”

“Well, you look stunning everyday… just wanted to remind you,” Yuuta winked, and Shuu turned his head slightly to look at him. “Oh… merci beaucoup.”

“...and next week we’ll infiltrate the CCG’s base and…” Kaneki trailed off, glancing in Tsukiyama’s direction.

_Why did Katsuhira have an arm around Tsukiyama’s waist? Why was Tsukiyama blushing so much? What the hell was going on?_

“…and we’ll try to obtain as much information on the Oggai as possible,” he finished, quickly turning away. “The meeting is over, you’re all dismissed.”

While the others began leaving the main room, Kaneki walked closer to Tsukiyama and gently tapped his shoulder. “Sorry to… interrupt you, guys. Tsukiyama-san, could I speak to you for a moment? It’ll only take a few minutes.”

“Oui, sure. Sorry, Yuuta,” Tsukiyama said, gently prying the other’s hand off him and following Kaneki to another room. “Is something wrong?”

 

“No, no, it’s… it’s only curiosity, but… what’s up with you and Yuuta?” Kaneki asked, trying to maintain a casual and disinterested façade.

_Holy fuck, he noticed!!! What should I say? Yuuta and I aren’t together… but still…_

“Oh, it’s,... it’s nothing, really, haha... why?”

“Nothing, I just noticed that during the meeting he was standing really close to you, and at one point he even had an arm around your waist, haha… I was just curious, that’s all.”

“Ah, well, uh… might as well tell you. Two days ago, he invited me to his room to get coffee together. We talked for a while, we had fun… and when I had to get back to my room, I… I kissed him,” Tsukiyama admitted with a small laugh, blushing slightly.

_Okay, I told him… oh god… I feel so weird… it’s almost as if I’m basically telling him that I’m getting over him…_

“…oh,” Kaneki mumbled, swallowing thickly. “That’s… nice. Good. Just… be careful.”

“Careful? Why?” Tsukiyama asked in confusion, tilting his head.

“It’s just that… he’s been here for only two weeks, we don’t know him that well,” Kaneki shrugged. “He might reveal himself to be dangerous, for all we know. He might have other reasons.”

“What do you mean?” Tsukiyama hissed, narrowing his eyes.

“Well, maybe… he could be trying to get with you just to get closer to me and strike. I’m just making up theories, but we still need to be careful,” Kaneki explained. “And I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

Tsukiyama gritted his teeth and clenched his hands into fists, staring at Kaneki with a hard look on his face.

“Don’t you talk to me about my own feelings. I’m… do you think I’m an idiot? Do you think I would have gotten with someone I didn’t trust? He doesn’t have other reasons. He wants to be with me because _he likes me_ , he’s the first person who genuinely likes me and wants to spend time more time with me just because… just because he wants to.

I…  after years I think I’m finally getting over you, I’m letting myself be just a little bit happy for once, after more than four terrible years, and I don’t care what you think about this.”

Kaneki almost flinched at those words, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest.

_He’s getting over me… maybe it’s for the best. He deserves to be happy, after all he’s been through, after all I put him through. Though… I can’t help but feel like I’m losing a part of me._

"I know, and I trust you wouldn’t make stupid and impulsive decisions. I’m just warning you. Like I said, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

 “You never cared about my feelings, why would you start doing it now?” Tsukiyama muttered angrily, before storming out of the room, leaving Kaneki alone.

 

\---

 

After getting out, Tsukiyama walked quickly to Yuuta’s room and knocked on the door, waiting for him to answer.

Only a couple of moments later, Yuuta came to open the door and Tsukiyama strode in, sitting down heavily on te bed and crossing his arms, a deep frown on his face.

“Wow, hello to you, too. Something happened with Kaneki?” Yuuta asked, closing the door and going to sit next to Tsukiyama, looking at him.

“…yeah. Sorry for barging in so suddenly, I’m just… upset,” Shuu sighed, running a hand down his face. “I need to talk with you.”

Yuuta swallowed and nodded, turning his body toward Tsukiyama and folding his hands in his lap, his brows furrowed. “Is something the matter?”

“N-No, it’s…” Tsukiyama mumbled, glancing down for a moment before looking up at Yuuta’s face.

“…I’ve been in love with Kaneki for five years. I’m sorry, I just… I just needed to tell you. I feel like you deserved to know.”

Yuuta nodded slowly, looking down at his lap. “…okay. I understand. Well… it was fun while it lasted,” he sighed, a defeated look on his face.

Tsukiyama widened his eyes, then realized what Yuuta had said and shook his head quickly, waving his hands. “No, no! I’m… I don’t want to end this, whatever this is.”

“You don’t?” Yuuta raised an eyebrow. “But… you said you were in love with Kaneki.”

“I’m… getting over him. Slowly, but I’m getting there. A lot of things happened that caused us to drift away from each other, and you’re a part of the things that made me realize that. He’ll always be an important part of me, but… maybe it’s time to let him go,” Tsukiyama shrugged, already feeling his eyes well up with tears.

“Oh… so… you’re up for… a relationship with me, maybe? Only if you feel ready for it, though, I would never want to force you into something you don’t feel absolutely comfortable with,” Yuuta said.

“I’m okay. I’m sure I’ll forget Kaneki in no time, and… y-you’ve only been amazing with me, I’m sorry I keep thinking about him, you deserve better,” Tsukiyama sniffled, wiping at his eyes.

As soon as he saw his tears, Yuuta wrapped his arms around Shuu and pulled him closer, letting him bury his face in his chest and kissing his temple, caressing the back of his head.

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s not your fault. It’s alright. I don’t deserve better, you’re just perfect for me,” Yuuta whispered, running his fingers through Tsukiyama’s hair to calm him down.

“But you deserve someone who’s not so hung up on someone else, someone who can give you what you want,” Tsukiyama murmured with a shaky voice, fisting a hand in Yuuta’s shirt as if he would disappear.

“I don’t care. You already said you’re getting over him, didn’t you? In the meanwhile, and only if you want to… you could be with me. I could help you forget him,” Yuuta winked playfully, which made Tsukiyama chuckle wetly. “And if in the future you decide that you’re better off alone or something… it’ll be alright. I just want you to be happy.”

Tsukiyama lifted his head and stared at him with wide, watery eyes, almost a shocked look on his face. He inched a little closer and held Yuuta’s face in his hands before closing the gap and pressing their lips together, fluttering his eyes shut.

Yuuta froze in place for a couple of seconds, before closing his eyes as well and wrapping an arm around Tsukiyama’s waist, pulling him closer until their chests were touching.

He licked Tsukiyama’s lower lip, before prying his mouth open and slipping his tongue inside, entwining it slowly with the other’s, which incited a quiet moan from Shuu.

Yuuta pulled Tsukiyama until the other was sitting on his lap, straddling him, and held onto his hips, pulling away only to start peppering butterfly kisses all over his neck and jawline until he reached his earlobe, nipping softly at it.

“W-Wait, wait,” Tsukiyama gasped, and Yuuta immediately pulled away to give him enough space to breathe. “Sorry, I got too carried away, heh… is something wrong? Do you want to stop?”

 “…no. No, I don’t want to. It’s just that… I-I’ve… I’ve never been this close to someone before. I’m… could you take it slow?” Tsukiyama murmured, blushing so hard he was afraid he might actually combust.

  _Never hooking up with someone and then going to bed with the first guy who shows me a little affection? Way to go, Shuu… no, fuck off. He likes me, I like him, and Chie’s right, I really need to get laid._

“Sure. I’ll take it as slow as you want. Promise me you’ll immediately tell me if you don’t feel comfortable, hm?” Yuuta asked, gently squeezing Shuu’s hips in reassurance.

 “Promise,” Tsukiyama nodded, leaning in and pecking Yuuta’s lips quickly.

The other smiled and gently lay down Tsukiyama on the bed, starting to kiss down his neck and slipping a hand up his shirt, caressing his sides.

 Tsukiyama gasped softly, placing a hand on Yuuta’s bicep and squeezing lightly.

  _Oh wow… this is gonna be a great night._

 

\---

 

The morning after, Tsukiyama woke up slowly, yawning and rubbing at his eyes, before cuddling back into the warm body behind him.

_Wait, what…?_

Oh. Yes. He relaxed immediately, remembering what had happened the night before. Yuuta had been so gentle and loving with him, but also so intense… Tsukiyama almost shivered only from thinking about it.

He felt the other stirring behind him and he took Yuuta’s hand, which was splayed across his stomach, to wrap his arm a little tighter around his body.

 “Hm… mornin’,” the other mumbled sleepily, burrowing his face against Tsukiyama’s shoulder blades and letting out a sigh.

“Morning,” Tsukiyama smiled, turning around and leaving a peck on the tip of Yuuta’s nose, which made the other smile. “Slept well?”

“Better than I’ve ever had,” Yuuta replied, sneaking his other arm around Shuu’s waist and pulling him closer, pressing their lips together in a brief kiss. “I didn’t hurt you yesterday, did I? Are you okay? Are you sore?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Tsukiyama chuckled, tucking his head under Yuuta’s chin and closing his eyes. “I’m just tired and sleepy. Wanna stay here.”

“Then stay here,” Yuuta shrugged. “We don’t have meetings or anything, right?”

 “Non, nous pouvons rester ici,” Tsukiyama mumbled, giggling to himself when Yuuta let out a quiet groan. “You know I love it when you speak French. It’s so hot and cute at the same time.”

“I can speak it more often, then,” Shuu smirked, kissing Yuuta one more time before getting up, or at least trying to, since he was stopped halfway by two arms yanking him back. “Where are you going? You said you wanted to stay here,” Yuuta whined, curling his arms tighter around Shuu, preventing him from leaving.

“Oui. Just let me go to the bathroom to wash myself, then I’m all yours,” Shuu laughed, patting Yuuta’s hands and gently prying them away, before walking to the bathroom and closing the door behind himself.

 

\---

 

After a couple hours, spent cuddling and watching a movie, Yuuta slowly got out of bed, careful not to wake up Tsukiyama, who had fallen back asleep a while before. He ran his hands through his hair in order to fix it a little and checked himself out in the mirror, before walking out of his room.

 During the morning, he had reflected quite a lot, and had come to a conclusion. He had to have a talk with Kaneki. Without Tsukiyama knowing, of course. He would probably only tell Yuuta to let it go, that it wasn’t a big deal, and that he was fine, but Yuuta knew he had to do something.

He wasn’t going to yell at Kaneki to stop treating Shuu like his personal servant, or anything like that, _even though he kind of wanted to do it_. He just wanted to clear things up between them. 

He arrived in front of Kaneki’s bedroom, where he hoped he would be, and swallowed, before knocking gently on the door.

He heard some shuffling from the other side of the door and then it opened, revealing Kaneki. “Oh. Katsuhira-san.” 

“Hi. I’m sorry for bothering you. Do you have a moment?” asked Yuuta.

“Yes, sure. You can come inside, if you want to,” Kaneki nodded, stepping aside to let Yuuta in.

“Thank you. I’d… I’d like to talk with you. About Tsukiyama,” Yuuta said, licking his lips. 

“Oh… okay. What about him? Is something wrong?” Kaneki raised an eyebrow.

“No, it’s… it’s a little difficult to explain, and I definitely wouldn’t want to come off as rude or anything. But…” Yuuta sighed. “…you know he cares a lot about you, right?”

Kaneki pursed his lips in a tight line and crossed his arms over his chest, nodding. “…yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“I only wanted to tell you… not make him suffer more than he already does, okay? I’m sure you’re a great guy and all, but… his feelings for you are doing more bad than good for him. He told me he’s slowly getting over you, but they’re still there. I’m not saying this because I’m jealous, or I want him to immediately forget you and focus on me. I know that’s gonna take time. I just… don’t want to see him suffer more.”

 Kaneki exhaled through his nose and ran a hand down his face, going to sit at his desk and turning the chair toward Yuuta. “…okay. I’ll do my best to treat him well. You… you do the same. He’s already suffered enough, and in one way or another, pretty much all the times, it was because of me. He’s amazing, and he deserves someone good to him, who’ll truly love him for who he is.”

 

 _Not a terrible piece of trash like me,_ he thought. 

 

“I promise I will. I would never dream of hurting him in any way,” Yuuta quickly shook his head, waving his hands. 

“Good. Because if you hurt him, I’ll come find you,” Kaneki added with a little smile, though his tone was rather serious.

“I trust you will.  I’ll get going now. Thank you for listening to me,” Yuuta smiled, making his way to the door.

“Oh, and Kaneki? You can drop the formalities and just call me Yuuta,” he said, before walking away. 

“…okay,” Kaneki mumbled to himself, fidgeting with his hands.

 

\---

 

Yuuta walked back to his bedroom and went inside, only to find Tsukiyama still curled up on the bed, under the thick covers. He smiled fondly to himself and made his way over to him, laying on his side and placing a hand on the side of his head, caressing it lovingly.

“Wake up, sleepyhead,” he murmured, leaning down to press a kiss on Tsukiyama’s temple. 

“Je me suis déjà réveillé,” Shuu murmured, opening his eyes and smiling softly. “Where did you go?”

“To get some coffee. I brought you some,” Yuuta said, pulling a thermos from behind his back.

“Oh, merci. You can put it on the nightstand, I’ll drink it later,” Shuu beamed, moving a bit to the side and patting the space next to him. “I wanna cuddle now.” 

“I would never say no,” Yuuta grinned, before climbing next to Tsukiyama and wrapping his arms around him, pulling him closer.

 

\---

 

 That night, after everyone had retaliated into their rooms and Kaneki had done the same, he flopped down face first on his bed, letting out a long, heavy sigh. It had been quite a long, exhausting day, but honestly, that was no surprise. Every day was like that.

Except that now he had to add the stress of seeing Tsukiyama and Yuuta together, because apparently, they were joined at the hip now.

He knew he had no right to complain about anything. After all, he had only hurt Tsukiyama in the past, and he hadn’t even told him about his feelings for him. That had quite possibly been the worst mistake of his entire life.

If only he had told Tsukiyama about his feelings… if only he hadn’t been such a coward, and actually let himself be a little selfish and happy…

Kaneki groaned in exasperation and rolled on his back, hugging his pillow to his chest and looking up at the dull, grey ceiling. Deep down, though, he was glad Tsukiyama had found someone else. He totally deserved that. Well, he deserved to go live in Paris surrounded by love and luxury, but we can’t always have what we want. 

Plus, he had Touka now. That was… better than having nothing, wasn’t it?

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling the back of his eyes sting with unshed tears.

Tsukiyama had moved on, and he had to accept that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I always appreciate it a lot!!  
> Please don’t leave negative comments saying, “this could never be canon, this is stupid, Kaneki loves Touka” because I know, I unfortunately read TG, this is just my imagination and I wanted to write something stupid to please my depressed ass and give Shuu a nice boyfriend because he goddamn deserves it! Thank you again, sweethearts <3


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